Sex addiction, caution, lust
Fifteen days without sex or masturbation does not seem that hard. For Lin Feng (pseudonym), 25, it is the longest time he has gone without sexual contact. The young man, neatly dressed, looks much like every other graduate student at a top university.
Looking at him, nobody would think that for the past 10 years, he has suffered from sex addiction, an affliction that has seen him masturbate four times a day, steal his step-mother's bra, have phone sex with strangers and follow women around town while pleasuring himself.
"My mind is constantly full of thoughts about sex, and I relate everything I see to sex," Lin said.
He was driven by an obsessive-compulsive need to satisfy his overwhelming lust when excited, but was plunged into a pit of shame and despair when he finished.
Like Lin, there are as many sex addicts in China who are still tortured both physically and psychologically, but cannot get help. The exact number of sex addicts remain unknown so far, as there are no surveys on the issue.
Sex addiction is still a topic that many among the public as well as experts find it difficult to discuss. In the meantime, these ambiguous attitudes toward sex addiction have exacerbated the shame and despair felt by addicts and prevented them from speaking out and seeking proper medical treatment.
"There are no non-governmental institutes and professional experts dealing with sex addicts. Most of them have to rely on themselves and limited mutual aid to deal with the problem," Ma Xiaonian, director of sexual medicine department of China Sexology Association told the Global Times.
Fear of being judged
Lin lived in constant fear of discovery while knowing his behavior was wrong and would not be tolerated by society. For years, he struggled between vowing to break his addiction and relapsing before finding hundreds of other sex addicts on a group on Douban, a social networking site. Discovering that he was not alone in this fight, Lin's determination to tackle his problem head-on redoubled. There is no reliable figure for the number of sex addicts in China, as investigations and surveys into the subject are difficult to carry out. However, a sizeable amount of groups with sex addicts seeking help exist online.
Many sufferers have seen their traditional support groups become eroded. A constant sex drive can take its toll on relationships with families and partners. Lin has had two serious girlfriends, but both left him because of his excessive sexual desire.
"This is the first time I have opened up fully about my problem. There are many things I have never told anyone before," Lin told the Global Times.
He grew up with his father and stepmother, as his mother died when he was 9. He was an introverted boy with few friends and a cold relationship with his family.
"Only masturbation could make me happy," Lin said. His obsessive masturbation went on throughout his teenage years, often doing so in his parents' or his grandmother's bed.
A T-shirt making fun of Tiger Woods, a top golf player involved in a sex scandal in 2010. Photo: CFP "Every time, I would steal my stepmother's bra, sniff it and then return it after masturbation," Lin said.
His obsessions grew stronger and more varied in college. He endlessly downloaded porn to his computer and cell phone, stared at female students from his dormitory window, and even followed women around at night, although he never assaulted or bothered them.
"I lost control of myself, and I masturbated through the pockets of my trousers while following them," Lin admitted, adding that he was never caught doing so.
Lin felt he was mentally ill, and read lots of materials before finally learning of the term "sex addiction," although he failed to find a complete explanation of it.
No info, no treatment
Sex addiction is a new topic in China that has not aroused enough attention both academically and socially.
There are very few researchers carrying out investigations, and there is still no specific definition of sex addiction.
Sex addiction has not been added to the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders, according to Hu Peicheng, director of medical psychology at Peking University Health Science Center.
"Sex addiction is a psychological problem, and experts have not come up with a specific definition," he said.
Hu added that anyone who believed they or their partner showed excessive sexual tendencies such as sex or masturbation might be suffering from the condition.
"There is no exact number of times you have to have sex a day to determine whether you suffer from sex addiction. Different people at different ages have different physical conditions," Hu said.
However, Hu warned that excessive sexual activities could affect reproductive organs, kidneys and cardiovascular function.
For example, Lin, with livid rings around his eyes, said too much sex had made his reproductive organs too sensitive and made him suffer from premature ejaculation. He mentioned a married man, who was a member of his online group, who suffered from weak legs and kidney troubles after masturbating and having sex nearly 10 times a day.
The sex addiction might as well result in severe social consequences, Ma warned.
"Sex addicts might tend to harass or occasionally rape the opposite sex, which could bring social instability," Ma said.
On the other hand, more sex addicts will be treated as criminals if the government remains unaware of the problem, he said.
He mentioned one soldier who frequently went to the female soldiers' dormitory, until he was almost reported to the police.
But Ma said he should first be treated as a patient rather than being criminalized.
"The government should consult with sexologists first before sentencing them, and ensure they get treatment," Ma said.
Hu said sex addiction treatment also led to many difficulties, as many sex addicts would not go to hospitals for being discriminated against.
He added that China had no regulation to force such patients to get treatment even if they hurt their spouses.
Lack of knowledge
Reports about sex addiction in Western media have heightened awareness about it abroad. Most recently, Tiger Woods was reported to have cheated on his wife with a dozen women and underwent treatment for sex addiction in 2010.
China badly needs to improve public awareness of the problem since most people may not have heard of it, or believe all addicts to be simply abnormal. Xu Lu, a 26-year-old designer, believed sex addicts were perverts only found in some Western movies, and did not think they really existed.
Ma said that the treatment of sex addiction has not seen much progress worldwide.
Most treatment in China is based on the same approaches used to break drug or alcohol addiction, which give patients a series of steps to follow to build self-discipline, with the use of certain types of medicine.
"It's a lot more difficult to build rehabilitation centers for sex addicts in China, given the lack of knowledge about sexology," Ma said. "Thus the government probably would not approve such a plan."
He also mentioned that it is not necessary for every sex addict to change their behavior. Those who have a lifestyle that does not cause any trouble for them or their partners can continue their usual lives although they should be careful.
In the absence of rehabilitation centers, experts recommend patients needing professional help visit psychological or urology departments in hospitals.
However, Lin visited a psychological center, met with doctors and even spoke with psychology teachers at his university, but none of these were able to help him.
Western countries have professional staff working in rehabilitation centers to help addicts, an option unknown in China. The most frequently statistics come from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, a sex treatment organization in the US, which estimates that over 9 million Americans meet the criteria for sex addiction. They can be treated by about 1,500 sex therapists in dozens of rehabilitation centers.
Can prayer help?
In the absence of medical treatment, many Chinese sex addicts have turned to religion to help them build a strong faith to keep away from sex.
Xu Ran, a 43-year-old Buddhist, established a website for sex addicts to share their stories in 2002 which has received hundreds of millions of visits so far.
The website offers information and tips on how to deal with the affliction and leading Buddhists have been invited to give talks that are then posted to it.
"Buddhists tend to be more sensitive toward sex addiction, as sexual desire is against the Buddhist doctrine," Xu said.
Xu joined Buddhism after he married and had two children in 1994, and felt extremely guilty when he visited porn websites. As a way of helping others, he established his website to help those with the same problem.
Xu explained he chanted sutras in front of an image of Buddha, in a bid to keep his mind at peace and free of distracting thoughts, which he found to be quite effective.
"I received about 30 letters and calls from Web users who have managed to reduce their sex addiction symptoms by such chanting every day," he said.
However, Ma warned addicts to use proper and scientific ways of treatment.
Ma once met a patient who had put a ring on his penis to prevent himself from getting an erection. However, he could not remove the ring, sparking an infection which almost killed him.
Lin was also advised by a Christian friend to come to church to discuss his sexual "sins," but Lin chose to believe in himself.
"If you don't want to quit, then no one can help you," Lin said. He tried everything to take his mind off sex, such as joining sports teams, going jogging, and writing about his everyday life in his online group.
"It is working and I feel much more comfortable about my current condition," he said. His biggest dream now is to marry a girl and live a normal life.
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